My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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