I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
