I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
