If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
