My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
