So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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