i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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