I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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