I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize