I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Boobs are out for the taking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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