Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
