So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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