He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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