remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
