I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
