I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
