How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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