So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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