Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
