So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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