Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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