What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
