Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
