So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
