This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
