Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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