Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
