WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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