i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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