somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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