Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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