Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
