Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I could make wine with my vomit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
