I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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