I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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