Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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