Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
