Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
