Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
