3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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