do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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