I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
