I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
