is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
