Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
