I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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