So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
