yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
