So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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