If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
