Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
