I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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