Jerry, you need to find god
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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