don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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