There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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