You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
