his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
