How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
