I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
