I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
