God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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