I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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