so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
