He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
