If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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