Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
