I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
