i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
either way he was missing a nipple.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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