well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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