First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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