So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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