I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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