I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need a burrito and a hug.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
