I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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