he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
