I skipped work to stalk him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
