His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
