So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
