Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we're so committed to being not committed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
