I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Terrible idea I love it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
