Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
