I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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