Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
