His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
