guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
