My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
