I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
