if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
