MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
