New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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