We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just high enough for therapy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
