Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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