i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
