I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
