Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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