I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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