it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
