Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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