oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
