She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
