4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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