I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
