I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
