I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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