I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
