The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize