I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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