well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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