so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
