why didn't you poke me back
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
